Everyone loves a season preview, right? Well….okay, everyone hates a season preview. It’s impossible to predict how the season will go, and the previewer ALWAYS gets it wrong when it comes to your team. Season previews are annoying. The trouble is, no blogger can resist the season preview, and sadly, we here at ModFan are just as weak as everyone else. In order to make our season preview more palatable (tastes like chicken!), we decided to limit our team previews to ten words or less. Our reasoning going into this project was, “They’re going to suck,” is only four words, which leaves six words remaining for, “and their fans are classless buttnuts.” Ten words is plenty.
Without further ado, we present the Official ModFan 2008/09 Eastern Conference Season Preview:
Atlanta: Ilya Kovalchuk is wasted in Atlanta. So sad.
Boston: Sorry. It’s easier to climb Kilimanjaro than win the East.
Buffalo: They might not suck. Eat your Wheaties, Ryan Miller.
Carolina: A classic rebound season. Mark my words.
Florida: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Wait, for real?
Montreal: Is Price the next Roy? No. Happy 100th Season, Montreal!
New Jersey: Holik? Rolston? It’s 1999 again. They didn’t win that year.
New York Islanders: I Just Fucked Up My Hip Again: Part 5 Million
New York Rangers: Since they let Avery go, let’s hope they fail comically.
Ottawa: This season will prove Emery wasn’t the only problem.
Philadelphia: Might actually be pretty good. (Damn.)
Pittsburgh: It’d be pretty fun if they sucked hard. Fingers crossed.
Tampa Bay: Still a circus, just different ringleaders.
Toronto: Their own management says they’re not playoff-bound. We don’t disagree.
Washington: They’re the media darlings these days. They’ll miss the playoffs.
[...] September 22, 2008 Media , ModFan , Nonsense 1. ModFan is back! Please go read our Eastern Conference Season Preview right away! (If you are horrified by the thought of reading another season preview, fear not. [...]
So by “classic rebound season” do you guys mean “will continue to be middling–if they’re lucky?” Because if that’s what you mean I totally agree about Carolina.
Sorry, Meg! I can’t see Carolina being as middling this season. Of course, they lost Cole and they still have Ward, and I totally wrote this before Justin Williams went down again. But, still. Staal won’t be as bad, and they won’t be facing a pre-playoffs team firesale. Mark my words!*
*I don’t know what I’m talking about.
:^:::::::::::::::::::: Meg, don’t listen to Pookie! “Will continue to be middling–if they’re lucky,” is EXACTLY what “we” mean. :P
Is not!
Yeah, “we” don’t say positive things about Carolina so I’m not sure how this whole rebound thing slipped past “us.”
If Carolina does rebound, I hope it’s because of Cam Ward. He’s on my fantasy team.
(And Heather, :^:::::::::::::::::::::::::!)
Philadelphia: Might actually be pretty good. (Damn.)
WOO-HOO! The Ookies just said something nice about the Flyers! (looks around for bolt of lightning from the heavens)
On another note, when are we going to get around to having those ModFan t-shirts made? I’ll totally order a boxful…
I hate to say it, CrotchetyOriginalSam, but I am firmly of the belief that the Eastern Conference is the Flyers’ to lose. Considering I am NEVER right about ANYTHING, I’m not sure if that’s a reason to be excited. But that disclaimer aside, I objectively as a hockey fan really like the cut of the Flyers’ jib. (And I objectively as a female hockey fan like the cut of Mike Richards’s jib, so that might be influencing my opinion just a tiny bit. Maybe. A little.)
I’m not in charge of merchandising! Someone else has to be the do-er on that one!
With you on the Richards crush, Schnookie, but I only wish I could agree that Philly are the favorites in the conference. I’m just too resigned to the now-familiar storyline of a Southeast team beating up on easy competition through the regular season, then eclipsing the NE/Atlantic competition in the playoffs. I’m calling the East for either Carolina or Washington, and not just because I have both Ovechkin and Eric Staal on my fantasy team…
Toronto: Their own management says they’re not playoff-bound.
That is when you know your franchise is a hot mess.