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Archive for February, 2008

POOKIE: How did I not know that Rob Neidermayer’s name is Robin?!

HEATHER B: What? Robin? Ha! Now I’m seeing him as the Robin, the Boy Wonder to Scott’s Batman. That is just wrong.

SCHNOOKIE: My world has been rocked by this revelation that Rob’s name is Robin. I mean… Robin? No wonder he is the way he is.

POOKIE: I’m seeing the bear from Disney’s Robin Hood calling him “Ro-bear”.

SCHNOOKIE: Robin Niedermayer wishes he had as much style and sex appeal as Disney’s fox Robin Hood has in his little finger. Please.

HEATHER B. I don’t know, I always found Little John (who is a totally Baloo from the Jungle Book rip-off) more appealing. I was a chubby chaser as a kid, I guess. I do feel that Disney’s Robin Hood is vastly underrated though for the record.

SCHNOOKIE: I always like Robin Hood more than The Jungle Book, and consequently found Baloo a poor man’s Little John. Which is sort of hilarious, considering it’s the other way around. Regardless of which one you prefer (and I love that you were a cartoon chubby chaser, Heather…), you have to admit that they have it all over Robin Niedermayer. Not on his bestest, most sexy, most competent day does Robin Niedermayer find himself in the same stratosphere as Disney’s Robin Hood. (And yes, I think it’s way underrated.)

I would find Robin (Niedermayer) a tragic figure, but I’ve always thought he was too pathetic to be tragic. I am really mercilessly mean to him, but I can’t help it. There’s something inherently dislikable about the Niedermayer boys, and Robin never had the advantage of being one of the best players on my favorite team.

HEATHER B: I like Robin Hood more than Jungle book but Baloo more than Little John probably because I knew Baloo first. Maybe. I don’t know.

I don’t really know enough about Rob to feel he’s a tragic figure. And if I felt sorry for him before I don’t now because he has a Stanley Cup and I don’t. Er, the Sabres don’t, I mean. Hanging out with you guys has convinced me that Scott is kind of a punk anyway so I don’t feel as sorry for Rob. For him to truly be lost in Scott’s shadow, Scott has to be perfect.

POOKIE: I was just saying the other night that I absolutely adore that Lou has made no bones that he loves to pick up the less-talented brothers of his players. As we speak he has Pando’s brother and cousin, Gio’s brother and Zach’s brother all playing in the minors. We had Steve Kariya , Scotty Stevens’s brother (as a scout), and other guys I can’t think of right now. And yet Lou never bit on Rob(in) Neidermayer because he was just that bad and that overpaid. Scott’s said that he would have stayed with NJ if Lou had signed Rob(in). And yet whatever extra Lou was paying Scott wasn’t worth keeping Rob(in), in Lou’s mind. Scott is one of the few priceless players out there, and yet the prospect of not having Rob(in) was worth more than “priceless”.

HEATHER B: I kind of love that Lou wouldn’t trade for Robin just to keep Scott happy. That’s funny!

SCHNOOKIE: Rob(in) always seemed to me like the less-talented, less good-looking, inferiority-complex-riddled younger brother, whose older brother was perfect without ever even trying. And on top of that, Rob(in) has a speech impediment (he’s kind of lispy. Or at least, he was when he was younger). As an uglier, less talented, inferiority-complex-riddled younger sister, this is something I should relate to. But… I just find there’s this eau de Niedermayer that makes him dislikable.

POOKIE: Heather, in response to Scott being a punk, I agree, but Scott is a cool punk. Rob’s the loser that gets to hang with the cool punk because he’s related to him. I realize this is all just my perception of them, but when I think of them I see environmentalist Scott looking relaxed in some hemp casual clothes and hugging trees. I see Rob(in) bedecked in hunting orange, gloating over the bloody corpse of a mostly-dead mountain lion. And I imagine that Scott then slips the cougar a Miracle Max pill and sends it on it’s merry way while Rob(in) goes, “Oh, okay, Cool Brother, whatever you say.”

As for the eau de Niedermayer making him dislikable, it might have to do with the dating Niki Taylor.

SCHNOOKIE: Lou not going after Rob(in) is sort of funny. Rob(in) was totally twilight — he was too good to be relegated to the minors, but wasn’t good enough to justify how much Lou would have had to pay him. Normally the younger, less-talented brothers are undrafted. It gets a lot harder when they’re fifth-overall draft picks and get inflated salaries from idiot expansion teams before Lou has a chance to get his claws into them.

Oh, and Scott doesn’t slip the cougar a Miracle Max pill. Please. You know Scott’s the only one of them who’s felled big game. Rob(in) keeps shooting small birds and squirrels and shit, and then having them mounted to look rabid and menacing. Scott kills big game just by being the greatest man to ever breathe. He kills them with how good he is at hockey.

POOKIE: It seems to me that Scott and Rob(in) were all into killing big game and then one day Scott decided to be a peaceloving treehugger. So Rob(in)’s still bringing home rabid spotted titmice and showing them all proudly to Scott who’s like, “Oh, I’m so not into that any more. I’m macrame-ing shopping bags for low-income families.” And then Rob(in) comes back in a week saying, “OK, I made 20 bags!” And Scott’s like, “Oh, I’m so not into that any more. I’m biking across Tibet to free the foie gras ducks.” Rob(in) just seems perpetually a year or two behind Scott all the time.

HEATHER B: All right now I do feel a little bad for Robin. (I wonder if he’s named after “Hood” or “Boy Wonder”?)

KATEBITS: Stop talking shit about Robin. He’s way cuter than Scottin.

SCHNOOKIE: The point is moot because they’re both ugsome.

And yeah, Rob(in) came home in October and Scott(in) was like, “You’re still playing hockey? I’ve stopped doing that.”

KATEBITS: I think Robin is very pleasant looking! I’d hypothetically hit it. That’s all I’m saying.

POOKIE: I think you’re wronger than anyone’s ever been wrong before. That’s all I’m saying.

Rob(in) is a butcher! Literally. He butchers cougars.

KATEBITS: I’m fine with that.

HEATHER B: I just did a Google image search for “Rob Niedermayer” and it says “Also try Scott Niedermayer.” Poor Robin! All the pictures on the front page are either a) with Scott or b) Scott.

I wouldn’t say he’s hittable but I think he’s more pleasant looking than Scott.

KATEBITS: Thank you Heather! Scott is only hot when he’s got the crazy unibomber beard.

HEATHER B: Agreed. And even then I’m not sure “hot” is the right word.

KATEBITS: Without it he looks like a weenie.

SCHNOOKIE: You guys are insane. Scott(in) is the most effortless Great Hockey Player ever. I know it’s annoying to hear it all the time, but seriously, the guy wins shit without even getting up out of bed in the morning. Literally not a single other player in the history of hockey has won championships at the Junior level, NHL, World Championships and Olympic gold. And he even squandered half his career being a stubborn ass about refusing to live up to his potential. That is a zillion times hotter than being a fourth-line center who has stayed in the league thanks to teams refusing to admit that they wasted a lottery pick on him and then teams who have to keep him because they don’t want to lose his brother. They look enough alike that I give the tip to Scott(in) as the better-looking one just on strength of the fact that he can’t not be a champion, even when he tries not to be. (I hate them both.)

POOKIE: Scott’s hot (or was hot when he was a tad bit younger and less Duck-y) because his play was so hot. He used to glide off the ice and then instead of using the door to the bench and instead of climbing up onto the boards, he would just step over them. Without breaking his glide he’d just, in one fluid motion, effortlessly lift one leg up and gracefully shift his weight over the boards.

He also used to once a year snap on the ice. Our season-ticket buddy Morgan dubbed it “PsychoNeider”. He’d just, for no apparent reason, jump a guy. He famously went after Bryan Berard for no reason. And there was that whole swinging his stick at Peter Worrell’s head. There was a bit of an unexpectedness to him. Would he show up and play great? Would he have his head in the clouds? Would he turn Psycho? Now he’s just Mr. Perfect. It’s making him seem less hot.

HEATHER B: Scott looks like a weenie with the beard, just a slightly more interesting weenie.

I have to say, I’m fascinated by how Scott is super good at hockey while not seeming that interested in playing it. Part of me thinks it’s kind of cool for a pro athlete to be willing to walk away so young (well, kind of) but at the same time I can’t really wrap my brain around not clinging desperately to playing for as long as you can especially since aging doesn’t really dampen his style of play.

And come on, you’re talking to Sabres fans, Schnookie. We both know Chris Drury is the real champion.

SCHNOOKIE: Well, you’re right of course. Scott(in) never won a Little League World Series. (I always found the dichotomy between Scott(in)’s outrageous ability and total disinterest in the sport to be fascinating. Maddening, but also fascinating. He also was my original “Oooh! Glasses on a hockey player is a very appealing thing!” player.)

KATEBITS: Yeah. There is no accounting for my taste. Keep in mind that I have literally never seen Scott play except for last year during the SCF, and those games were practically the first hockey games I had ever seen (I was also madly in love with Chris Drury at the time). I’m just going on pure looks and what I have learned about Scottin since then. Scottin is not hot to me.

SCHNOOKIE: Heather, you say, “And Robin and Scott look enough alike that I give the nod to Robin because he need something in his life.” Which part of “he dated Niki Taylor” didn’t you pick up on?

POOKIE: True, Scott(in) never won the Little League World Series. Therefore it is cogently evident the salient feature of Bucci’s argument is Drury’s the greatest man to ever breathe.

SCHNOOKIE: I think what I’m trying to say is that it pains me to think of Rob(in) as anything other than an annoying loser. Since I think he’s less hot than Scott(in) and Scott(in) annoys the living crap out of me. If A < B, and B = C, then A < C. It’s simple mathematics, ladies. The numbers and formulae don’t lie — Rob(in) is not hot.

KATEBITS: Shoot. I hate it when you use math against me, Schnookie.

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ModFan Panopticon 02/17/08

CHICAGO 2, COLORADO 1

HEATHER B.: I cannot think of a single thing to say about this game.

KATEBITS: Me either.

POOKIE: I am so disappointed that Chicago has come back to Earth. I liked them as a spunky team. Now they just seem like another boring WC team. They’ve let me down.

SCHNOOKIE: I opted to watch the Sharks/Rangers game instead of this one, thinking anything would be better than Chicago/Colorado. I was wrong, wrong, wrong. (But that’s damning the Hawks/Avs game with faint praise, to be sure.)

RANGERS 3, SAN JOSE 1

HEATHER B.: If San Jose wants to remain my WC team, I’m going to have to insist that they do things like beat the Rangers. Still, I am amused by Joe Thornton not only ignoring Sean Avery but looking around with a, “Who’s this asshole?” expression on his face. That Avery – love the way he gets under opponent’s skin!

KATEBITS: The Sharks are good for nothing.

POOKIE: Schnookie and I have long been picking the Sharks and they’ve long been letting us down. I’m abandoning them this year which is why they’ll win it all.

SCHNOOKIE: San Jose, for all that I don’t pay a ton of attention to them, seem to live solely to let me down. They have never ONCE, in their ENTIRE HISTORY, won a game I really, really wanted them to win. This was another example.
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HEATHER B.: For today and today only, I love John Buccigross. He did a “If we blew up the league and drafted from scratch, how would the draft go?” column and Ovechkin was number 5 behind Crosby, Lecavalier, Thornton, and Heatly. Ha-HA! (I’m pointing in my best Nelson Muntz impression.) (I’m also ignoring that he has the Sabres drafting Iginla for Drury-like leadership.)

Forget it. I kept reading and now I hate Bucci again which is as it should be.

SCHNOOKIE: I see now why you dumped Bucci by the end of his column, Heather. He really is a dipshit. And seriously, just because Detroit is willing to pay Rafalski $6 million a year until he’s 57 doesn’t mean it’s a good deal. Yes, it sucks that the market overvalues name-recognizable defensemen, but a smart GM has to realize that there is a limit to how much production you’re going to get out of one defensively-liable blueliner, and there is a limit to how much you can intelligently pay for that. I mean, I liked Raffie’s 40 points from our back end last year, but the overall quality of his play wasn’t worth the percentage of the salary cap that his UFA contract was going to eat up. In a perfect world he would have stayed a Devil, but a perfect world doesn’t have salary caps and doesn’t have desperate GMs who are working with budgetary constructs that are really different than my own team’s. I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate when people talk about free agent movement as if it’s happening in a vacuum, and as if it’s entirely in the hands of one GM.
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