Archive for March, 2008

We recently discussed a major formatting plan for ModFan: sound effects.

POOKIE: Kate, in all seriousness, if we get in the habit of doing podcasts on IPB and ModFan, I was going to seriously ask you to record a little viola trill for us. Because that would be SO AWESOME.

PATTY: A viola trill in the podcasts would be great. We could each have a snippet, like when batters walk up to the plate. Or like Peter and the Wolf.

POOKIE: Ooh! I want to be the basoon!

KATEBITS: Ooooooh I LOVE the idea of a ModFan Peter and the Wolf! If you want, I can nerd out and get my friends to record a variety of sounds and then you guys can choose the one that best represents you.

SCHNOOKIE: IF I want???? IF????

KATEBITS: Oh, this is going to be so AWESOME! I’ll record a zillion little sounds and calls. Hee!

PATTY: I might have to at least talk to y’all on the phone. I’m not sure whether I want it to represent my voice or my personality. Neither is going to be very trill-y.

SCHNOOKIE The lady doth protest too much! I bet you’re the trilliest person in the world.

POOKIE: I am ALL ABOUT getting your friends to record personalized trills for us! Viola is my first favorite instrument but since that’s clearly taken, I’ll opt for my second favorite instrument — the french horn. Do you know any cool french hornists?

KATEBITS: My friend Dan plays the horn! Seriously, I’ve got all the orchestra instruments covered.

HEATHER: I want something big and booming! Yeah, yeah!

SCHNOOKIE: I want something that blows very hard. If you know what I mean.

PATTY: I’m afraid I do.

POOKIE: I was just about to say, “The blowhard should get the tuba.”

PATTY: Do you have any instruments that are indecisive and lazy?

KATEBITS: Um, well, that’s kind of the viola. The bassoon might work too. Or a bass drum. Heh. Someone should just be a bass drum.

POOKIE: If I can’t be a french horn I want to be the glockenspiel.

PATTY: Maybe I should be a clarinet. Or a harp! (Just kidding.)

KATEBITS: Perhaps you are a trombone, Heather? Patty, you seem kind of Marimba-y to me.

PATTY: Marimba?? Really? That’s so sweet of you to say!

SCHNOOKIE: I want the stomped harp!

KATEBITS: Patty, you should be a Marimba/clarinet/Harp playing “Twinkle twinkle little STARS”. Get it? Get it?

POOKIE: Ooh, Kate, can my trill be “Perpetual Motion” as played by the french horn?

KATEBITS: Gaaaasp! You’re TOTALLY getting Perpetual Motion Pookie!

KATEBITS: Actually, a harp gliss would be pretty funny for Schnookie.

POOKIE: Is that like one of those frilly scaley things? If so, that would be AWESOME.

SCHNOOKIE: You only say that because you’ve met me. Those who haven’t think I’m a delicate angel of refined comportment.

PATTY: What? You’re not??

SCHNOOKIE: Ummmmmmm…

KATEBITS: Yeah, a harp gliss is that sound they use to represent angels and other assorted heavenly things.

PATTY: We have to think of a song, too? You know, we could do the Marimba playing “Deep in the Heart of Texas”. I’d be last to be introduced, and when my trill came up, we’d all clap appropriately (“The STARS at night are big and bright,” clapclapclapclap) and that would signal the start of the show.

POOKIE: Patty, that’s such a great idea!

SCHNOOKIE: I love it! I’m all over that! (Only we’ll all shout our own teams’ names instead of STARS.)

PATTY: Well, then I get to shout something over your trill! When the harp starts up, I’ll say something snarky about Schnookie not really being an angel!

SCHNOOKIE: No one will believe you. I mean, between my angelic blog mien and the UNDENIABLE power of the trill, no amount of shouting will convince people I’m not an angel.

PATTY: Dammit! No fair!

HEATHER: And I will just BOOM BOOM BOOM my bass drum over all of you!

POOKIE: If you know what I mean… When you guys start saying stuff I don’t agree with, I’ll just start singing Perpetual Motion over you.

PATTY: It’ll be all sweet and classical sounds, with the word BEEYOTCH liberally peppered all over it.

KATEBITS: I love the idea of a harp gliss in direct conflict with all of us insulting each other. Why aren’t we famous yet?! Seriously! This is GOLD!

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The Reasonable Fan

On February 25, the Sabres blew a 3-0 first period lead and lost, at home, 4-3 to the Flyers in a shootout. Katebits demonstrated afterwards how a reasonable, intelligent fan should respond to a game like that:

I’m sorry I’m being so dramatic. I think I need to be so horrified that it swings around to funny. I cannot think of any other reasonable response to this. There is no rearranging it to something good. No. No no no no. The only possible avenue for emotional escape is that this is SO BAD that somehow it’s funny. HOLY SHIT I HATE THE SABRES. WHEN CRUNCHY IS A RED WING AND I’M A HOMELESS BAG LADY I AM GOING TO REMEMBER THIS NIGHT AS THE BEGINNING OF THE END.

There is NO MORE hockey to be played this season. I’m DONE. HOCKEY IS DEAD TO ME.

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