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Archive for the ‘Central Scouting’ Category

Patty: I’ll write this later, if you know what I mean.

Heather B.: If you mean, “Stu should sign with Buffalo. It’s the only thing that makes sense,” I know EXACTLY what you mean.

Patty: That’s exactly what I DON’T MEAN!

Look, here’s all you need to know about Stu Barnes: He’s ours and you can’t have him. Buffalo.

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HANDS OFF!

I didn’t want to have to write anything about Pando, and I was kind of assuming Lou would have wrapped him up by now. But as July 1 creeps ever closer…

*Fights back tears*

Okay, let me put it this way: if Pando isn’t a Devil for the rest of his career, I think my heart will literally break. It will be cleaved asunder. What GM wants to be responsible for that?

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I am not a statbitty person by nature. However, I decided I should probably be responsible and look up some statbits before writing this post. My first stop was Behind The Net but they seem only to provide wacky stats like “GAA on Nights with 3/4 Moons Where Two or Fewer Players on the Other Team have Names that Start with M”. Next up was the Stat Machine on NHL.com which provided me with a bar graph comparing the number of Theodore’s wins to the number of saves he recorded all season. Gosh! When you compare 28 to 1,367, the wins look really insignificant! Gah! That’s when I gave up. Fortunately you don’t need any specific statbits to look at Theodore’s role in the UFA market this summer.

This is because GMs are going to do the same thing GMs have done since the dawn of time. They’re going to see a goalie with a name they recognize. “Oh ho,” they’ll say, “I’ve heard of him! And look! His statbits this year were much better than in the last few years where he looked to be almost finished… I know! I’ll sign him to a long-term deal because surely his commitment to better statbits this past year is indicative of him getting back to the form he had years before the lock-out!” And this is when I will shake my fists at the sky shouting, “WHY DON’T GMS UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF CONTRACT YEARS?!” Seriously, people, every year big-name washed-up superstars net big, long-term deals on the strength of long-ago success and one year’s worth of contract-driven numbers. If GMs stopped looking at statbits for one minute, and looked logically at the big picture, Jose Theodore would be this summer’s Andrew Raycroft. Of course, how delicious would it be if the GMs look so small picture that Theodore’s post-season performance makes him this summer’s Curtis Jospeh?

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Katebits recently asked the ModFan panel whether she should hope for the Sabres to pursue Mike Commodore on this season’s free-agent market. This is my scouting report on what he’d bring to the table in Buffalo:

I think Mikey C really relishes the whole “being treated like a king” thing, so maybe he’s perfect for Buffalo! He’s sort of like Soupy’s good twin (in that Soupy is his evil twin) — both have red hair, both are defensively suspect defensemen, both like the night life. But Mikey C’s a hands-of-cement stay-at-home guy while Soupy’s a disaster-prone jump-into-the-play All-Star; Mikey C’s charmingly self-deprecating and honest about his limitations while Soupy’s a self-aggrandizing nitwit; Mikey C’s the world’s most lovable drunk while Soupy’s sweaty and disgusting; Mikey C is actually interesting about how he can talk for hours with anyone about anything while Soupy’s allegedly a chatterbox, but is really just a complete fucking moron; Mikey C is really intelligent while Soupy is a retard. The Sabres have finished with one side of the red-headed d-man coin — why not take a shot with the flip side?

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