Archive for the ‘Panopticon’ Category

Pittsburgh Penguins vs. Ottawa Senators

Pookie: This gets the top score thanks to Ottawa getting swept. It would have been funnier if popular opinion hadn’t caught up, in the second half of the season, to how bad the Sens actually were after the first five weeks or so of the season. But the “great team or greatest team” hype from those first few weeks remained so fresh in everyone’s minds that this sweep was manna from heaven to bitter fans like myself. 5 pennants out of 5

Katebits: Deeeeelightful. 5 pennants out of 5

Schnookie: My only regret about this series is that it was scheduled so I couldn’t ever watch it. Whose great idea was it to deny Devils fans the opportunity to soak up the Schadenfreude that was the completion of the Sens’ epic collapse? Did the schedulers forget that we lost to the Sens last year, too? Bastards. 4 1/2 out of 5 pennants

Patty (in Dallas): I didn’t get to see much of this one, either, since I was trying to follow the Devils. I know I’m the only one, but I was feeling kind of sorry for Ottawa. I don’t hate them and I felt bad for Spezza and Heatley. I never trust a team that comes screaming out of the gate like that, though. It almost never lasts. I’m happy for Sid, too. 2 pennants out of 5

Heather B: Ottawa re-signed all their free agents to huge contracts, committed to keeping their juggernaut of a top line together, and entered the season with almost the same team that played in the Cup Finals last year. And they still won exactly the same number of playoff games as the Sabres who didn’t qualify to play in the postseason. Well done, Ottawa. That’s a very special kind of collapse. 4 pennants out of 5

Montreal Canadiens vs. Boston Bruins

Pookie: This series was BO-ring! And had the added annoyance of the fact that neither team showed me any reason to love them. Or even just like them more than the other. Or even just care enough to learn the players’ names. I’m also giving the shifty eyes at Habs fans. First it’s stealing “Ole, Ole” from Team Brasil. Then it’s singing “Hey Hey, Na Na, Goodbye” in Game 1 and justifying it by saying “It’s just tradition against Boston.” I’m sorry, but “Hey Hey, Na Na” in Game 1 is NEVER tradition! Finally, it’s rioting after Round 1. Obviously, they’ve got some pacing issues up there. It’s a marathon, kids, not a sprint. 1 pennant out of 5


A game-by-game summary:

G1: Go Habs!
G2: Go Habs!
G3: The Bruins are admirably pesky
G4: The Habs are kinda overrated.
G5: Really, Habs? That’s it?
G6: I don’t need this crap….Go Bruins?
G7: Damnit!

Now I’m lost and confused and I don’t know what to think. -8 pennants out of 5

Schnookie: Whose idea was it to schedule this series so I could see almost all of it? There were not two teams I cared less about in the playoffs than Montreal and Boston, and after seven games, I still don’t care. Note to the Canadiens: if you need seven games to beat the Bruins, you are NOT the juggernaut I’m looking for. 0 pennants out of 5

Patty (in Dallas): Again, the EC series just kind of wander past me. I had very little feeling about this one, but I kind of like Montreal because they wrapped up Mike Ribiero in a pretty bow and gave him to us as a gift. 3 pennants out of 5

Heather B: I love Montreal’s crazy, maniacal crowd. I love the singing, the taunting, the chanting, and as long as there’s no one hurt I even secretly love the rioting after the first round. I think Buffalo’s standards are a little higher at this point but come on. We all know if the Sabres (or Bills) ever win a championship you may as well kiss your family, hug your friends, and dance into the night to celebrate because Buffalo will not be standing by the time the sun comes up. 5 pennants out of 5

Washington Capitals vs. Philadelphia Flyers

Pookie: Game 7 going into OT? That warrants at least an automatic 3 pennant rating. Anything more I cannot say for fear of getting my Devils fan membership card and kit revoked. 4 pennants out of 5

Katebits: I’m just glad it’s over. 5 pennants out of 5

Schnookie: I secretly loved, loved, loved this series. It had awesome hockey, huge momentum shifts, rocking buildings, the Flyers Comcast announcers, and, um… well, as a Devils fan I feel I should stop myself now before publicly admitting that I was happy with the outcome. 5 pennants out of 5

Patty (in Dallas): I’m happy the Flyers moved on. I still like Derian Hatcher (I know, I know) and I was really happy that Joffrey Lupul got a little love. The Oiler fans just roasted him for his one season there and then Hatcher tried to kill him. It’s nice to see he’s okay. 3 pennants out of 5

Heather B: I was cheering for the Flyers and Danny Briere and quite frankly, starting to worry for my safety and sanity but I’m pretty sure it’s going to be a one round fling. I was only using them to get rid of the Caps and Alexander Ovechkin both of whom I found less endearing the more people told me I was supposed to love them which happened a lot. Zip it, Versus. I’ll love who I want! 5 pennants out of 5

New Jersey Devils vs. New York Rangers

Pookie: Let’s just pretend this one never happened, shall we? Thanks. 0 pennants out of 5

Katebits: The Devils are not good at hockey, and the Rangers are not good at not being loathsome. This was just a bad scene. 1 pennant out of 5

Schnookie: This was the single least pleasant playoff series I have ever had the misfortune of suffering through. And the Devils lost, to boot. It was so bad that I’ve been touch-and-go about whether I have the energy left to watch the rest of the playoffs at all. THANKS A LOT, Hockey Gods. I’m going to be emotionally damaged by this one for years to come. -10 billion pennants out of 5

Patty (in Dallas): I hated to see what this series did to Schnookie and Pookie. Poor Devils, struggling against the Rangers. And poor All of the World for having to watch Sean Avery lower our beloved sport to his level. I hope he has a career-ending injury while he’s an intern at Vogue. 0 pennants out of 5

Heather B: I missed a few games in this series but for the record, I can’t think of a single situation where I wouldn’t take Marty Brodeur over Sean Avery. If I need to build a hockey team, I’m taking Brodeur. If I need a date for a boring, dress-up event, I’m taking Brodeur. If I need a babysitter in a pinch, I’m taking Brodeur. If I need someone to help me move, I’m taking Brodeur. In the battle of good vs. evil, I always go with the fatso. 2 pennants out of 5

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Detroit Red Wings vs. Nashville Predators

Pookie: Nashville put up enough of a fight to make it interesting and their fans almost suggested that the title of “Feel Good Story” was being wasted in Washington. Those wacky two quick goals get my vote for the most exciting moment of the First Round, and when you add in the Arnott goal celebration concussion, well this Devils fan can’t resist! Good times! 4 pennants out of 5

Katebits: I thought I didn’t care at all about this series….but then that crazy Lidstrom goal broke my heart. Sometimes you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone. 4 pennants out of 5

Schnookie: This seemed like just another boring Red Wings playoff series until Nashville’s fans turned out to be awesomely awesome. After a year spent hearing how laughably craptacular a hockey city it was supposed to be, they really showed the superior hockey media, didn’t they? Of course, two great games do not a series make. Sorry, Nashville. 3 pennants out of 5

Patty (in Dallas): I knew I was going to root for Nashville because I always want Detroit to lose. But the Preds actually grew on me with their raucous fans and their spunkiness. And I thought the catfish somebody threw on the ice was charming. When Detroit fans throw octupi, it’s just hackneyed. Still, the Wings advance, so maybe I should remove a pennant. 4 pennants out of 5

Heather B: R.I.P. JP Dumont’s playoff beard. The world is a sadder, less colorful place without you. I’m glad this series ended when it did because I was starting to develop a crush on Jordin Tootoo and that was destined to end messy. Still, I did love hearing Vince Gill do the anthems and I was pleasantly surprised by Nashville’s kicky crowds especially after the off-season they had. I’m glad they were able to make the series interesting. 4 pennants out of 5

San Jose Sharks vs. Calgary Flames

Pookie: I know this went to Game 7 and the series had all kinds of zany lead changes and come from behind wins but… It was the Habs/Bruins of the West. When you find yourself sitting in front of a Playoff Game 7 giving yourself a pep talk about how dammit you will find this game fun, you know you’ve got a problem. 1 pennant out of 5

Katebits: I loved this one! It was a three ring circus of mental fragility, bad defense, and sketchy coaching. Plus, Cujo! 5 pennants out of 5

Schnookie: I had a really hard time liking either of these teams. I found myself reveling in Flames goals, and then thinking, “Aw CRAP! Now the Flames are winning!” But at the same time, the Sharks just leave me cold. On paper, I enjoyed this series. But the enjoyment of a series isn’t played on paper, and in my real-life heart? I never really engaged. 2 1/2 pennants out of 5

Patty (in Dallas): By the time this series was over, I didn’t care who won. I think we can beat either team. I don’t look forward to Jeremy Roenick being all over my TV screen for a whole series, but I’ve been toughened up by six games in a row with Pronger and Bertuzzi waltzing all over the place. 2 pennants out of 5

Heather B: This series was less about who played the best and more about who avoided screwing up the worst in the end. Both teams were a mess and the Sharks are getting destroyed in the next round unless they show up a totally different team. And dude, San Jose, I tried to tell you about Brian Campbell. That’s not him struggling, that’s just how he plays defense. On the positive side, I’m totally in love with Calgary’s crowd. They’re unbelievable. 3 pennants out of 5.

Minnesota Wild vs. Colorado Avalanche

Pookie: This one held great promise with the first few games, the fabulous fans (Montreal — you could learn a lot from M-I-N-N-E-S-O-T-A on how to be lovably enthusiastic) and the carefree OT finishes. But then, for the last few, I sorta forgot this one was even going on. 2 pennants out of 5

Katebits: This series was equal parts boring, thrilling, and annoying. 3 out of 5

Schnookie: Hey! If we could combine the amazing energy of the games in Minnesota with the amazing energy of the games from Nashville in the Preds/Wings series, we’d have the most fantastically lovable, thrilling first-round winner. I’d call them the Predawild. Or the Wildators. And it would be IMPOSSIBLE not to cheer for them. 2 pennants out of 5

Patty (in Dallas): Didn’t really care about this one, except that I was glad Colorado won so that I could relax about meeting Detroit in the next round. Still, I hate the Avs, and Peter Forsberg needs to retire already. I wish I had seen the game where the Wild fans sang. I missed that. 1 pennant out of 5

Heather B: I watched about five minutes of this series. I didn’t really get attached to any of the players and this series always seemed to be on opposite one I really cared about which is too bad because I did intend to fall in love with Mikko Koivu since I already love Saku. Better luck next time, Minnesota. 0 pennants out of 5

Dallas Stars vs. Anaheim Ducks

Pookie: This series is what Playoff hockey is all about. Good triumphing over evil; GM’s foolish mistakes costing the team; poor leadership being exposed; scrappy teams taking advantage of their opponent’s miscues; vindication for a deserving goalie; the loathsome defending champs going out with a whimper. That’s RAWK! 10 pennants out of 5

Katebits: This series lost an entire pennant due to the confusing black and white color schemes of the jerseys involved. I couldn’t keep track of which team was wearing the black jerseys from night to night. Other than that? Perfection. 4 out of 5

Schnookie:THIS is what I want a playoff series to be like. There is NOTHING I would have changed about it, except, as Katebits points out, the unis. 5 pennants out of 5

Patty (in Dallas): The hugely overrated Ducks vs. the “limping through March” Stars and the Ducks looked like crap and the Stars looked awesome. The Ducks tried to play the bully game “that won them the Cup” and all they really did was traipse to and from the penalty box. The last minute of Game 6, in front of the home crowd, after we had given up the first goal, and had scored three goals in the third, with Chris Pronger in the penalty box, and Mike Modano with the puck on his stick, looking at an empty net, was my favorite hockey moment in YEARS. Eleventy-billion pennants out of 5

Heather B: Despite the danger of cheering for Dallas while living in Buffalo, I really do like this Stars team and I enjoyed watching them dismantle the defending champ Ducks. I think the Stars were the best team in the first round so I’m curious to see how they play the Sharks. I hope they win in a delightfully embarrassing fashion. Two thumbs up for Marty Turco who I’ve always liked and who just gets more adorable every time I see him. 4 pennants out of 5

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ModFan Panopticon 02/17/08


HEATHER B.: I cannot think of a single thing to say about this game.

KATEBITS: Me either.

POOKIE: I am so disappointed that Chicago has come back to Earth. I liked them as a spunky team. Now they just seem like another boring WC team. They’ve let me down.

SCHNOOKIE: I opted to watch the Sharks/Rangers game instead of this one, thinking anything would be better than Chicago/Colorado. I was wrong, wrong, wrong. (But that’s damning the Hawks/Avs game with faint praise, to be sure.)


HEATHER B.: If San Jose wants to remain my WC team, I’m going to have to insist that they do things like beat the Rangers. Still, I am amused by Joe Thornton not only ignoring Sean Avery but looking around with a, “Who’s this asshole?” expression on his face. That Avery – love the way he gets under opponent’s skin!

KATEBITS: The Sharks are good for nothing.

POOKIE: Schnookie and I have long been picking the Sharks and they’ve long been letting us down. I’m abandoning them this year which is why they’ll win it all.

SCHNOOKIE: San Jose, for all that I don’t pay a ton of attention to them, seem to live solely to let me down. They have never ONCE, in their ENTIRE HISTORY, won a game I really, really wanted them to win. This was another example.

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