The others have not noticed.  I am posting without their knowledge or consent.  I’ve gone rogue.  I’m an unstoppable, terrifying force.  I am drunk with power.   I am also drunk with beer.

Mission Accomplished!

I think it’s super awesome that our plan to use this blog to burn down the internet was so effective.

We didn’t even have to write the blog in order to neutralize the threat.

Take THAT, Fanhouse.

Boomerang

Patty (in Dallas) says:

We tried to get rid of Sydor. But he came back.

I lost interest in hockey.

How is this possible?

But I came back.

Marty Turco says:

I sucked rocks the first ten games. But I came back.

But I came back.

Patty: This coffee Haagen Dazs is so delicious, I’ve decided NOT to marry Schlitzy and marry this ice cream instead.
Schnookie: Schlitzy says, “I got passed over for some ice cream. But I came back.”

Pookie: Someone drew a mustache on a picture of me, but I came back.

Pookie: I’m like, “Dammit! I should have taken that nap!” I didn’t take that nap, but I came back.
Schnookie: I took an AMAZING nap. But I came back.

Patty: I was forced to move into a Schlitz can, but I came back.

Kate: I just realized I’m out of dental floss. But I came back.

Patty: I flunked Comedy 101. But I came back.

Pookie: A co-worker just was really rude to me when I asked if she could access the web when her phone wasn’t working. I want Schlitzy to go over there and tell her, “My internet-based phone stopped working when my internet went out, but I came back.” And then kick her in the shins.
Patty: Some giant hockey player with a resplendent schnozz and wearing a Schlitz can just kicked me in the shins. But I came back.
Pookie: I died of laughter. But I came back.

Patty: “I hit a pole with my car. But I came back.”
Schlitzy: “That’s way tougher than I am!”

Heather: I got arrested for keying Sabres players’ cars. But I came back.

Pookie: I had nothing but popcorn and cupcakes for dinner, but I came back.

Schnookie: I was beaten down deep into the ground by my shitty team. But I came back.

ModFan: We haven’t posted in two months. But we came back.

The Season-to-Be In A Nutshell: WC Edition

Welcome to part two of the official 2008/09 ModFan Western Conference Season Preview.  Don’t worry, we set a ten word limit for each team, so this will be over soon.  You can read the EC season preview here.

Anaheim: Added Brendan Morrison. Good thing Getzlaf and Perry are beasts.

Calgary: Iginla will run circles around his team, yet they’ll fail.

Chicago: Talented young team but I REFUSE them, so zip it.

Colorado: Another season of Forsberg talk? Don’t sign us up.

Columbus: Columbus Blue Jackets? Never heard of ’em.

Dallas: Maybe Chicago will distract Detroit and they can sidle past.

Detroit: Blah blah blah blah repeat champions blah blah blah blah.

Edmonton: Young talent that could still go either way.

Los Angeles: Meh.

Minnesota: They’re probably not as stifling as people think.

Nashville: Spunky, nasty team but as usual, craziness around them.

Phoenix: Wayne’s sweatervests make it hard to take them seriously.

San Jose: Blockbuster deadline trade who’ll then sign elsewhere next summer. Again.

St. Louis: Paul Kariya and Keith Tkachuk? Say no more.

Vancouver: 1-0, 1-2, 0-1, 1-2, etc. etc….until hockey is dead.

The Season-To-Be In A Nutshell: EC Edition

Everyone loves a season preview, right? Well….okay, everyone hates a season preview. It’s impossible to predict how the season will go, and the previewer ALWAYS gets it wrong when it comes to your team. Season previews are annoying. The trouble is, no blogger can resist the season preview, and sadly, we here at ModFan are just as weak as everyone else. In order to make our season preview more palatable (tastes like chicken!), we decided to limit our team previews to ten words or less. Our reasoning going into this project was, “They’re going to suck,” is only four words, which leaves six words remaining for, “and their fans are classless buttnuts.” Ten words is plenty.

Without further ado, we present the Official ModFan 2008/09 Eastern Conference Season Preview:

Atlanta: Ilya Kovalchuk is wasted in Atlanta. So sad.

Boston: Sorry. It’s easier to climb Kilimanjaro than win the East.

Buffalo: They might not suck. Eat your Wheaties, Ryan Miller.

Carolina: A classic rebound season. Mark my words.

Florida: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Wait, for real?

Montreal: Is Price the next Roy? No. Happy 100th Season, Montreal!

New Jersey: Holik? Rolston? It’s 1999 again. They didn’t win that year.

New York Islanders: I Just Fucked Up My Hip Again: Part 5 Million

New York Rangers: Since they let Avery go, let’s hope they fail comically.

Ottawa: This season will prove Emery wasn’t the only problem.

Philadelphia: Might actually be pretty good. (Damn.)

Pittsburgh: It’d be pretty fun if they sucked hard. Fingers crossed.

Tampa Bay: Still a circus, just different ringleaders.

Toronto: Their own management says they’re not playoff-bound. We don’t disagree.

Washington: They’re the media darlings these days. They’ll miss the playoffs.

Better Know a UFA: Stu Barnes

Patty: I’ll write this later, if you know what I mean.

Heather B.: If you mean, “Stu should sign with Buffalo. It’s the only thing that makes sense,” I know EXACTLY what you mean.

Patty: That’s exactly what I DON’T MEAN!

Look, here’s all you need to know about Stu Barnes: He’s ours and you can’t have him. Buffalo.

Better Know a UFA: Brian Campbell

As someone who’s spent the last 8 years living in Buffalo, I’ve had the uh… luxury of watching Brian Campbell up close and personal. I know some of you out there are wondering, “Hey, that Campbell guy, he’s pretty good, right? Should we go after him?” A simple yes or no won’t really capture the adventure that is Campbell so here’s a pros and cons list. Make of it what you will.

PRO: Creates a lot of chances for his team.
CON: Creates a lot of chances for his opponent.

PRO: Very good skater.
CON: Has to be in order to make up for getting caught in the offensive zone.

PRO: Talkative, good interview.
CON: No filter, sometimes talks without thinking.

PRO: Redhead.
CON: Grease head.

PRO: Can carry the puck out of the defensive zone.
CON: Can’t stop the puck from getting into the defensive zone.

PRO: Has often impressed commentators with huge open ice hits.
CON: When talking about huge open ice hits, commentators have to run video from two years ago. That should tell you something, commentators.

PRO: Grows a lovely playoff beard.
CON: Playoffs only a couple of months long, weak-chinned the rest of the year.

PRO: Can eat huge minutes.
CON: Can’t necessarily eat huge minutes that matter.

PRO: Very friendly with people in the community.
CON: Very “friendly” with people in the community ifyouknowwhatImean.

In a nutshell, Brian Campbell has grown into a very good offensive d-man. He’s definitely not without skill and he is, by all accounts, a pretty nice guy. He’s not going to come in and change your defensive corp all by himself though and I have to question how well he’s going to play under the pressure of a huge contract. (Seriously, he must be the only professional athlete in the world who gets so stressed about whose ridiculous offer he’s going to accept.) He’ll also never be a top pairing guy in my book because I prefer my top pairing guys to have some modicum of defensive ability. If you can get him for 5-5.5 million, you might have done pretty well for yourself. Anything above 6 and well… enjoy!